Ellis Paul

May 3 2007 - Ron Mesh's New Year's Sangria Concoction

Ron Mesh in the flesh
is wee little man
who stands about five foot six
but when midnight strikes,
and the moon is just right,
he grows inches, as each bell ticksSome nights at Casey's Tavern
he'd drink like a horse then he'd shout--
"I'm startin' a fight--
at the stroke of midnight--
I can beat any man without doubt!"Well there are always plenty of takers
to fight a braggert who's only five-six
but when midnight arrived
he was seven foot five
and the skirmish was bloody, but quickNow some skeptics blamed his thyroid
blamed a quirky little throbbing gland
but I blames it on the Sangria
that Ron mixes with his own bare handsIt's made of rum and wine
pumpkin and pine
sugar cane, oranges, lemon
celery sticks, the finest grapes ever picked
cinnamon, curry and melonHis Grandma invented the concoction
(She's now pouring it freely in Heaven)
On the day she died
I swear the coroner cried--
"This woman stands eight foot eleven!"At the Tavern one New Year's by accident
thinking it was cranberry juice
I was dying of thirst
and I finished it first
then my eyes
and my lips they burst looseAnd the steam came a' hissin'
like a freight train whistlin'
from my ears and my body parts
Ron, he was laughing
Like a cow who was calfing
as I struggled to keep down the sparksI soon hit the ceiling
with my head. which is healing
I must've grown eleven feet tall
my clothes started ripping
my voice started dipping
my weezin' was blowin' a squallIt was asked that I leave
with Ron at my sleeve
to find the antidote or some kind of cure-all
a lemon he said
some hair that is red
that sits on a woman who's pure-all
so I searched for a party
with this one man bacardi
to touch him is know the word "buzz"
he'll share it with pleasure
on a couch made of leather
with your mother, your sister, your cuzand this he did
with some frat house kids
who seemed to be all college linemen
they were bigger when we left
I commited no theft
but there was nary a redhead among themBut we found just that girl
a church social pearl
cooking for a Sunday bake sale
If I were to give her a kiss
then suck a lemon like this
I would return to my height without failSo I tried for the kiss
she turned and I missed
she said, "Sir! I'm engaged, to a boxer!"
I had just that hunch
cause he knew where to punch
Like he'd studied my body at OxfordI was out like a light
and to Ron Mesh's delight
I was need of some resuscitation
the red head came through
the lemon did too
and I shrank without hesitationRon's Sangria Chilled
is still getting swilled
on the east and west coast's wee morning's
it's more popular than widgets
amongst all the midgets
who drink with no care for my warnings

updated: 3 years ago